so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
