youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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