i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
