I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
