I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
