I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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