I feel great
I just peed on a car
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
