Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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