I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will be naked everywhere
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
