Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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