Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
