sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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