She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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