There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
