it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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