In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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