I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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