omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
