yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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