Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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