That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
