Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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