don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
