Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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