don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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