it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
