I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
