Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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