mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My feet surprised me
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