I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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