So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
