i can't believe i had my finger in that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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