he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
