who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
