You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
