i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
