I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
