he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
