If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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