Dual....:-)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
