It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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