alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
