going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
