took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
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