If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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