the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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