His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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