Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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