We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
