Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
