Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
