I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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