Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
