My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize