mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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