just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
