1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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