She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
