I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
