Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
