Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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