He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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