In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
only if we run a train.
done.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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