Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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