just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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