oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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