Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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