I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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