so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
